The Hershey Foods Corporation is being sued by the American Food and Drug Administration (FDA) over excessive human content in its various chocolate products. Hershey chocolate products allegedly exceed the federally permitted 1% human content by up to 25% (Hershey's Choco-Fingers).

The FDA seeks punitive fines and clear placement of warning labels on all Hershey's products. One proposed label reads: "WARNING: This product contains ground human remains," but Hershey lawyers are trying to negotiate a less severe label, like "NOTICE: You are what you eat."

FDA lawyers, however, are standing firm on their demands and refuse any settlement that would not "run Hershey's out of business or place unreasonable safety restrictions on [Hershey's] chocolate production," claimed a representative for the candy company. Such restrictions include forcing plant workers to attempt to save the lives of those who accidentally fall into the giant vats of chocolate and requiring that all chocolate makers to wear goggles to prevent any more eyeball-falling-into-the-vat incidents.

The legal community generally agrees that a victory for Hershey's is nearly impossible, and even a successful settlement is unlikely to occur. When asked why they had come to this conclusion, several legal analysts point to Hershey's recent advertising campaign for their new product, Choco-Fingers. In each television advertisement. a group of children are led on the tour of a Willy Wonka-like Hershey's chocolate factory. Near the end of the commercial, the tour guide, Mr. Choco, somehow falls into a chocolate pool. The scene then cuts to the tour group leaving the factory, all eating the human finger-shaped Choco-Fingers.

Others point to the movie tie-ins Hershey's negotiated with MGM for last year's release of Hannibal. Several television and print ads prominently displayed scenes from the movie along with Hershey's Choco-Fingers, and the candy product was visibly placed in various scenes throughout the film.

"It didn't really make much sense at the time," said legal analyst Phillip Harvey, "But now I see where the advertising agency was coming from. They probably knew all along, those snake-tongued bastards. Why, if I--oh, sorry, I guess I got carried away there."

Hershey Foods introduced the Choco-Fingers brand after user test reports showed a growing resentment toward the mainstream chocolate candy bars.

According to internal documentation, "Regardless of filling, the standard chocolate varieties we tested were clearly outperformed by the new formula," which, according to other company memos, was part of a batch created after "the accident".

A trial date has been set during the next television sweeps period to secure the high ratings provided by Court TV in such major cases.