Fans of the popular Fox television show The X-Files are the most recent addition to the long line of liberal organizations protesting the actions of U.S. President George W. Bush. This time, the source of these troubles is the nomination of the Federal Bureau of Investigation's newest director, federal prosecutor Robert Mueller.

Mueller, widely considered a highly honorable man and an outstanding candidate for the directorial position, has met with resistance originating primarily from a newly formed group of regular television viewers called the Coalition Opposing Mueller's Appointment (COMA). Composed entirely of "X-Philes" - devoted fans of The X-Files, a series eight seasons strong - COMA is launching a complete assault against Meuller and, more importantly, his proposed actions.

The primary cause for the fans' sudden organization and uprising is the rumor that Mueller is going to replace FBI Assistant Director Walter Skinner. Skinner, who shares Mueller's background as an ex-Marine, was not even mentioned in an important document Mueller recently composed. This paper listed the important personnel in the various offices of the FBI, and Skinner was nowhere designated as an Assistant Director.

"At first we were shocked," said Jamie Cole, chief organizer of COMA, "But then we realized that this was most certiainly an action of the Syndicate." According to sources in COMA, the Syndicate is a clandestine international organization with ties to intelligence and enforcement agencies in several countries. "Skinner was apparently having doubts about the Syndicate's sinister doings, which led to this ejection from the FBI. Knowing the Syndicate, he'll probably be dead by the time his replacement moves in," Cole added.

Although Skinner could not be contacted at his FBI office, sources in COMA were able to lead this investigator to Skinner, under the alias Mitch Pileggi. When questioned about his whereabouts, he responded, "Walter Skinner? Well, yes, I play him on The X-Files. How did you get my home phone number? Are you even a legitimate news organization?" After being assured that he was in no danger (at least from this reporter), Skinner was told of COMA's support and asked to comment on Meuller's decision. "I just told you that Walter Skinner is just a character on a television show; I never had a position in the FBI. While I appreciate the fan support for the longevity of my character, this conversation is not worth continuing," he said, concluding with a click from the telephone receiver.

Cole refused to accept Skinner's claims and suggested that "the person contacted may not have been Skinner at all, but an alien shapeshifter in league with the Syndicate, working to cover up the conspiracy."

Both President Bush and directorial nominee Robert Meuller refused to comment, though Meuller added that "these claims are ludicrous."

In a possibly related story, over four hundred weapons and nearly two hundred computers - at least one containing classified data - are missing from the FBI offices. COMA suspects another slimy hand of the Syndicate to be involved in this matter.