After a month-long "working vacation" at his Texas ranch, President George W. Bush has decided to extend his stay in the Lone-Star State.

Bush representatives have announced that the President will remain near the small town of Crawford for 1,235 days in addition to the 30 he has just concluded. Current plans are for Bush to return to Washington, D.C. on January 20, 2005, the day of the next presidential inauguration.

"Several independent and in-house polls have overwhelmingly indicated that the American people approve of long vacations, the opportunity to work at home in a comfortable environment, and, to a lesser extent, the President's absence from Washington," said Anne Willingston, a spokesperson for Bush. "Striving to maintain a link to the common citizen, the President has decided to remain in his spacious ranch house for the remainder of his term in office."

An anonymous "close friend" of the President claimed to know more personal reasons for Bush's lengthened respite. "As you may be aware, George was communing with the cows on his ranch pretty much every day since he's been down here. I don't think he could survive as President without his in-depth conversations with his bovine friends. They seem to have formed some sort of spiritual bond," he claimed.

This was supported by the photograph in the sidebar, which shows an enraptured George W. Bush gesturing toward one of his cow friends on the way to a conference with his advisors. He reportedly stood in that position for several minutes before a member of the Secret Service was able to shake him out of his daze.

Former Vice President and presidential candidate Al Gore remarked on Bush's extended stay, "If I had been elected President--error--if I had been selected as President, I surely would not be taking a vacation while I was in office. In fact, as President, I would have worked twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, four years a term for one hundred percent of the American people. Sleeping, eating, grooming, and bathroom breaks would have been delegated to key members of my White House staff. Unfortunately, the Utopia I had planned to build with my superior intellect and impeccable work ethic will remain a dream of the American people."

Vice President Dick Cheney was quoted exclaiming, "Power! Absolute power, and it's all mine! Mine to command! Mine to control! The Earth itself shall bend under my invisible fingertips! Bahahaha!"

No plans have yet been made to officially recognize the succession of power.